Falling, Failing #MRTNotes

Monday, 25 March 2024, 1815
Soundtrack: Tawsen - Comme Une Fleur

"Wishing you all the best in your job search and future endeavours."

I cringed when I read the final line of that email. I mean, great, soften the blow. Sure, whatever. I hated it. Don't let me down slowly. Let me have a cry, especially after spending 4 hours on filling up a questionnaire - which turned out to be a writing assignment. I quite enjoyed it, though. That writing exercise led me to doing this. Writing in my notes on my way back home from work. Like as if writing in my journal almost every morning was not enough.

And then, not even 24 hours later, came another email:

"We really do wish you the very best for the future professional endeavours."

Sir, are you a people pleaser? Was it necessary to add on TWO intensifiers in one line? I knew they didn't pay for a premium Grammarly account because Grammarly would have flagged those, like how it's flagging my 'endeavours' as I am writing this.

WE USE BRITISH ENGLISH IN SINGAPORE! I am so sorry, AMERICA! We were colonised, just like you! Stop underlining words in British English!

The common thread between the two messages is the nature of the roles I applied to. I applied to junior writer positions in online publications.

*audible gasps* I KNOW, I KNOW! Me, a junior writer? Or a writer, AT ALL! Grandiose. Spectacular.

As Malays would say, berangan je!

I have always said, in recent times, that I do not have grand ambitions. My ambition is to live a life where I could read, write, and eat on a daily basis. I used to care about earning money, and I still do now. In fact I care so much, I get crippling anxiety because I'm worried about how I was going to earn money to be able to sustain a lifestyle that is less hustle-y.

I guess the answer is you don't. You either earn less but work less, and be able to do the things you enjoy. Or you work more, and presumably earn more. I don't think there is direct correlation between working and earning.

Anyway, I applied to writing jobs because I want to write. Duh. Writing is my current favourite creative outlet. I've tried painting - and did not go further than colouring some squares to swatch the cheap watercolour set I got from Shopee. And I'm currently learning French, so that's quite a creative endeavour, no?

Perhaps it is a redirection. Besides, I am writing. My publication isn't big, obviously (I have a grand total of 2 subscribers at the time of writing - one of them is myself). But it means that I can take it off the ground and direct it whichever way I want to. I know! How fun!

So maybe, at this point, writing is just a hobby. But who knows? * Blows raspberries *